While going through my emails last night, I came across a poem that I wrote in August 2016. I loved reading it because it made me realize how far I had come along in life. It felt like I always knew what had to be done, but it was hidden underneath layers of low self-esteem, low self-confidence, and unhealthy people-pleasing patterns.
As I look back, I feel proud and sad at the same time. I feel sorry for the 25-year-old who didn’t know what to do. But that is life. We learn, grow, and mature with time. There are no shortcuts (unfortunately and fortunately)!
Things changed when I took ownership of my own life!
Here’s a visit to the past:
I wait for the rain to settle my unsettling mind.
I don’t know what to do.
I don’t know how to free myself from the shackles of expectations.
I wait for the day I would blossom into my true self.
I wait for the life where I am allowed to make my mistakes.
I wait for the life where I am not portrayed as a perfect soul born to lead a perfect life and be a perfect person.
The pressures of society pull me down.. every day..every hour..every minute and every second..
I regret the perfect life that I have lived.
I regret that I could have been much more.
The little achievements have become a burden.
The agony of expectations
The agony of being trapped in a body pushed to be a perfect daughter, a perfect sister, a perfect friend, a perfect colleague
I dream of the day I am set free
I dream of the day I become me
I dared to speak up… I dared to cry my heart out that all I wanted was to be the perfectly crafted imperfect me
I was tagged to be selfish… I was tagged to be unfaithful… I was tagged to be thankless of what I was given… I was tagged to disrespectful
But all I wanted was to be the perfectly crafted imperfect me
My voice silenced.. I went back to the shell, which covered me from head to toe…
I never dared again.. I didn’t know what to do
So I put them in words.. Words console me.. A blank page never complains.. A blank page never laughs at you.. A blank page never judges you.. It just listens.. It listens to your cry..your words and your true self…