A visit to the Past

While going through my emails last night, I came across a poem that I wrote in August 2016. I loved reading it because it made me realize how far I had come along in life. It felt like I always knew what had to be done, but it was hidden underneath layers of low self-esteem, low self-confidence, and unhealthy people-pleasing patterns.

As I look back, I feel proud and sad at the same time. I feel sorry for the 25-year-old who didn’t know what to do. But that is life. We learn, grow, and mature with time. There are no shortcuts (unfortunately and fortunately)!

Things changed when I took ownership of my own life!

Here’s a visit to the past:

I wait for the rain to settle my unsettling mind.

I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know how to free myself from the shackles of expectations.

I wait for the day I would blossom into my true self.

I wait for the life where I am allowed to make my mistakes.

I wait for the life where I am not portrayed as a perfect soul born to lead a perfect life and be a perfect person.

The pressures of society pull me down.. every day..every hour..every minute and every second..

I regret the perfect life that I have lived.

I regret that I could have been much more.

The little achievements have become a burden.

The agony of expectations

The agony of being trapped in a body pushed to be a perfect daughter, a perfect sister, a perfect friend, a perfect colleague

I dream of the day I am set free

I dream of the day I become me

I dared to speak up… I dared to cry my heart out that all I wanted was to be the perfectly crafted imperfect me

I was tagged to be selfish… I was tagged to be unfaithful… I was tagged to be thankless of what I was given… I was tagged to disrespectful

But all I wanted was to be the perfectly crafted imperfect me

My voice silenced.. I went back to the shell, which covered me from head to toe…

I never dared again.. I didn’t know what to do

So I put them in words.. Words console me.. A blank page never complains.. A blank page never laughs at you.. A blank page never judges you.. It just listens.. It listens to your cry..your words and your true self…

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Seethal Jayasankar

Seethal Jayasankar

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I quit my 4-year Oil & Gas related job to Volunteer in gardens & work in the field of Sustainability.