On International Women’s day, here is one relationship I want Women to focus on
For years, women have been “asked” (ordered) to do many things. Take care of parents, children, husband, in-laws, friends, etc.
Here I am, shamelessly asking women to focus on one more relationship (I am sorry, ladies), and reaching 30, I found this relationship to be the most crucial. It’s with my Gynecologist.
I belong to a country where general health checkups and “knowing about your body” are either never discussed or dismissed whenever the topic is raised. Even today, if you use the word “Vagina” or “Periods” in public, people look at you with disgust.
I used to hear these two extreme opinions about doctors and hospitals:
a. A doctor is a selfless human being
b. The doctor will wrongly prescribe medicines and detect dangerous diseases to make money out of you
I don’t know what the objective truth was, but I often lived in fear. I feared doctors so much so that I rarely had a full-body checkup. In 21 years, I had visited the doctor maybe around 6–8 times (3 of them were when I had an extreme fever).
I came to the U.S. almost five years back. During one of our corporate “health events,” I informed one of the doctors that I hadn’t had an annual checkup in 3 years. He looked at me like I had said something outlandish. He said, “But you know that your annual checkups are free, right? There is no reason for you not to do it”.
He was right. And I knew exactly why I hadn’t done a checkup.
Fear.
Fear that I would find something weird in my reports and suddenly die.
It was also shameful to admit that I knew nothing about my own body. As much as I tried to spend time to google, and find resources, it wasn’t enough. Google either didn’t give me perfect answers or scared the s*it out of me since it said that even an innocent mole could be cancer!
I finally decided to take my health into my own hands. There was no point in being scared anymore. My health was my responsibility.
I had a full-body checkup the same year, and the only issue we found was Vitamin-D deficiency. Although, in all honesty, my health was a complete shit show during that period, the doctor didn’t once ask me about my diet, stress-level, exercise, or sleep schedules. They just saw that my results were within the range and let me go. I have this bone to pick with certain doctors about this topic, but that’s for another time.
I finally found my first gynecologist at the age of 25. I was shaking the entire time I sat at the hospital reception. It felt weird. YouTube had mentioned that a girl/women’s first gynecology visit should have been at the age of 13–14 years, and here I was at 25. In all honesty, it wasn’t a pleasant visit. I didn’t feel comfortable sharing my questions honestly and felt a bit of judgment from the staff. This didn’t help since I was already in a state of fear.
I almost reclused myself into a cave again, but I had to be brave. I spent the next few hours, days months researching. I watched as many YouTube videos as I could about Gynecologist visits. I should say that I am so grateful for YouTubers. They helped me navigate through my biggest fears of visiting a gynecologist.
Also, I want this point to be very clear: Women don’t visit a gynecologist just to talk about reproduction or to have babies. With the stressful lifestyles and horrible diets we are leading, women have a massive health crisis looming over them. We need to go to doctors for breast examinations, for PAP smears, for UTIs, to know more about STDs, learn about menstrual cycles, PCOS, PCOD, best & safe contraceptive methods, hygiene, healthy diets, and several other reasons. Pregnancy and birthing is one aspect of OB-GYN.
Here are some of my favorite YouTube videos and channels that I researched (and continue to do so). P.S. There are some videos below in Hindi. Sorry English-speaking folks:
All of these videos (and more) gave me the courage to continue finding the best gynecologist for me. Finally, after days of research, I found mine.
Let me tell you this, once you find the perfect gynecologist, 90% of your stress goes away. You know you have someone to rely on or answer your questions when you feel something is off or weird. They know your history, and the best ones are those with whom you can ask absolutely anything without a spec of judgment.
During my appointment call, I specifically asked the receptionist to find me a doctor with whom I could have a general consultation and someone who took time to answer my questions. The receptionist was wonderful, and she found me the perfect doctor.
The day before my appointment, I jotted down my questions on a piece of paper. No matter how stupid it seemed, I wrote it down. The next day, as I sat in the reception waiting for my turn, I knew that it would be different this time. Not just the doctor but the staff in the hospital were excellent. They spoke with empathy, compassion, and respect. Even matters of money or fee were discussed with the utmost respect. I felt strong.
When my turn came, they took me in, measured my weight and blood pressure (first time in my life, my blood pressure was 119/77 [normal]… due to my recent diet change… wink wink), and made me sit in an examination room.
I took some deep breaths and tried to calm myself down. The doctor came in, and I immediately felt a sense of relief. I started the conversation by telling her that I wanted to build a relationship with her so that I could come to her for my regular checkups and future requirements. She smiled and nodded.
I sat down with her, showed her my previous medical reports, and asked her all my questions. She patiently answered each one of them with 0 judgments. She didn’t “advertise” any medications or contraceptives. Her only purpose was to listen and provide solutions based on my questions. I was over the moon!
While speaking, there were moments when my voice cracked, and I felt emotional. I felt shameful that I didn’t visit much before, but she was understanding and patient. The only thing she kept saying was, “that’s an excellent question.” She also didn’t rush the answers. Not once did she look at her watch and huff & puff. I loved her (and I still do).
Once the consultation was done, I shared everything with my partner. We finally felt that we could talk to someone about the questions we had. I felt so relieved.
So, vulva-owners out there, please please..; if you can do one thing for yourself, it’s to find a good Gynecologist. Based on my personal experience, I am giving you hope that there are good gynecologists out there. They do exist.
And also, start having healthy, non-judgemental conversations with your reliable friends. We need to bring this topic out in the open to give young girls, teenagers, and any woman (or vulva owners) a platform to discuss their bodies. We owe that to ourselves.
Happy International Women’s Day!
Check out my YouTube channel for inspiring videos: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBfUxVSxC0koxGSkwzVRYzQ
